Readings from an Altered Script

Still quoting...

2008-03-14T20:07:00.002-04:00

this time from "Blue Heart Blessed" by Susan Meissner -

"When we are hurt, it's instinct to cover the wound and hold back anyone from brushing up against it. And I don't need to tell you wounds don't heal if they never see light, if they're never exposed to fresh air. If you want your wound to heal, and it sounds to me like you do, you need to stand up straight, pull your arms away, and let the light and breath of God work its cure on you."

"He surely wants to spend his life with someone who finds him irresistible."

"[Love] is keeping the one I care for from harm, looking to this beloved's wounds, toppling evil in its tracks, bending down in trust."

And quoting from "Looking for God: An Unexpected Journey through Tattoos, Tofu, and Pronouns" by Nancy Ortberg -

"God lives in the struggle. It is there we find Him."

"God is just as present in the days that all run together, days when nothing really stands out, as He is in the extraordinary days."

And random quotes -

"When people cease to be surrounded by beauty, they cease to hope."
N. T. Wright

"to love another person is to see the face of God" from the musical "Les Miserables"

Reading N. T. Wright....

2008-03-05T16:37:00.002-05:00

"When the church is seen to move straight from worship of the God we see in Jesus to making a difference and effecting much-needed change in the real world; when it becomes clear that the people who feast at Jesus's table are the ones in the forefront of the work to eliminate hunger and famine; when people realize that those who pray for the Spirit to work in and through them are the people who seem to have extra resources of love and patience in caring for those whose lives are damaged, bruised, and shamed, then it is not only natural to speak of Jesus himself and to encourage others to worship him for themselves and find out what belonging to his family is all about but it is also natural for people, however irreligious they may think of themselves as being, to recognize that something is going on that they want to be part of. In terms that the author of Acts might have used, when the church is living out the kingdom of God, the word of God will spread powerfully and do its own work."
From "Surprised by Hope" by N. T. Wright

Reassuring quote from an unexpected source

2008-02-11T16:12:00.000-05:00

The following quote is from the movie, "Juno":

Juno MacGuff: "I need to know that it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever."

Mr. MacGuff: "Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of [you]. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Making me smile today...

2008-02-02T21:16:00.000-05:00

Glancing into my rear view mirror at the vehicle behind me, I saw an old couple, the lines of life creasing their faces, talking and laughing with each other, totally unaware of me and reveling in the delight of companionship. And watching them, I smiled and hoped that someday that would be me.

Beautiful prose

2008-02-01T11:45:00.000-05:00

Quotes from "After the Leaves Fall" by Nicole Baart -

"This is not the end," Grandma said, repeating herself as if cooing to a howling newborn even though I wasn't crying. "This is not the end. This is not the end."
It seemed like a strange thing to say, but with every repetition she drove a tiny seed of hope farther into my heart. I almost didn't want it there - hope is not a promise, merely a wish, a yearning for something that may never materialize - but it sank down deep where I could not extract it and began, even in that moment, to put down fragile roots.
It was the hope that scared me most of all, and only when I had felt it tremble inside me did I begin to cry.

The farm looked as if each year of existence had slowly chipped away at the optimistic belief that everything would turn out all right in the end, that happily ever after is the bookend to every story. I realized, as I stood there, that I would never have the fairy-tale ending. But weary buildings with a lifetime of living etched in their aging walls offered their own sweet perspective. A life that seemed attainable.

Deaf Awareness

2008-01-31T15:54:00.001-05:00

Watch for this commercial on Sunday night! The actors are deaf employees of Pepsi. The story is a classic deaf joke. And I love that the entire commercial is silent. :)

Pants Rant

2008-01-26T14:22:00.001-05:00

So I'm completely and utterly frustrated with the length of women's pants. It's totally unfair. Why do men's pants come in one inch length increments and women only get short, regular, or long? Women's legs are not just one of three sizes; it's ridiculous.
For example, I'm stuck in the middle where regular length pants aren't truly long enough especially if there's any heel on my shoe (and I hate to have my choice of shoes limited by the length of my pants) but I'm standing on the hems of the long length. I just need a couple of extra inches not four more inches but is there such a thing as an in-between length? Oh no! What a travesty it would be if I could buy pants with the correct inseam. What is wrong with the fashion industry? Why is it prejudiced against women? :)
I had this conversation with some people (two women and one man) the other night. The women completely understood but the man started arguing with me and suggested that I buy men's pants. Do what?!? Ummm, women have these things called hips; I can't buy men's pants. So I try to explain that and the guy won't give up. He says, "Well, different brands of men's pants fit differently. For example, Dockers are fat men's pants." I'm saying, "Wait, you think I need to buy fat men's pants?" And one of the women backed me up saying, "Oh you just need to stop talking before you get yourself in any deeper."
Honestly, I do find this issue extremely frustrating but fortunately, just today, I found a store where I could wear the long length so I bought some new jeans and life in my world is improved.

Quote

2008-01-06T00:03:00.000-05:00

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke

Christmas poem

2007-12-23T12:28:00.000-05:00

If you're in the mood for a Christmas poem, follow the link.

Quote for the day

2007-11-04T08:06:00.000-05:00

I found the following quote from Thomas Merton at Lisa Samson's blog, author intrusion -

"[P]sychologists have had some pretty rough things to say about the immaturity and narcissism of love in our marketing society, in which it is reduced to a purely egotistical need that cries out for immediate satisfaction or manipulates others more or less cleverly in order to get what it wants. But the plain truth is this: love is not a matter of getting what you want. Quite the contrary. The insistence on always having what you want, on always being satisfied, on always being fulfilled, makes love impossible. To love you have to climb out of the cradle, where everything is "getting," and grow up to the maturity of giving, without concern for getting anything special in return. Love is not a deal, it is a sacrifice. It is not marketing, it is a form of worship."

You know...

2007-10-29T18:42:00.000-04:00

you have a serious aversion to socks and shoes when you're scraping frost off the windows of your Jeep and wearing flip-flops. The justification for this absurdity? It's supposed to be warmer tomorrow and the next day...

Interesting...

2007-10-27T10:55:00.001-04:00

information gleaned from a retirement ad - "marriage can add 5 years to your life." I'll refrain from subjecting you to any of the random thoughts swirling in my brain after reading that.

Quote for the day

2007-10-27T10:33:00.001-04:00

I've been contemplating this quote since it was shared with me by a friend at a volunteer meeting for the inner-city ministry I'm helping with on Tuesday nights.
"More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them." Henri Nouwen

Quote for the day

2007-10-21T22:52:00.000-04:00

"All pleasure costs; legitimate before the pleasure and illegitimate after the pleasure."
Ravi Zacharias

Random thoughts...

2007-10-01T21:03:00.000-04:00

"When we play, we touch the border of forever." Mark Buchanan
If after having my car repaired at one establishment, I always have to drive 45 minutes to my dad's old mechanic so he can fix problems that didn't exist before my car was "repaired" perhaps I should not ever return to the first place. Honestly, car problems stress me out enough without having new ones created for me.
I'm ready for sweater weather.
The stereotypical female directions that depend on landmarks are incredibly easy to follow when driving to a destination. However, these directions don't reverse well. Thus, me driving down curvy roads in the dark, peering at the street signs at each intersection and wondering, "is this the road that has a Shell station at the other end?"
I thoroughly enjoy serendipitously discovering random new musicians and movies. Latest musical discoveries include The Frames and Until June. Movies I want to see - "Ushpizin" (if I could find it somewhere to rent) and "Bella" (hopefully it will come out in a theater near me)
The books have truly overtaken my room; I've been driven to piling them on the floor in front of the bookshelves. I am, however, undaunted and will be going to the library sale this weekend.
Speaking of this weekend, I will be alone for FIVE days. Now I am all about my roommate going to her friend's wedding but as long as she's been making travel plans, I've been making "how can I stay sane while I'm alone" plans. Thanks to my small group, I will apparently be walked daily...(Fairlight said Sunday night that she should plan for someone to "roommate-sit" me and the whole conversation rapidly degenerated into Joni as dog and the small group as pet-sitters.)
Thanks to Joshua and Rebekah I'm still obsessed with "ader" sounding words - aggravator, educator, instigator, ARGH!
I'm so excited about having the opportunity to hear Ravi Zacharias speak next Wednesday.
Everyone is having babies and whoever isn't having a baby is getting married. (Well, except for me and all of my single friends and a few billion other people...)
I love jeans but I have too many pairs; I wonder if I could justify going back to buy the pair I tried on today if I got rid of three other pairs that aren't my favorite...
I am a dot-dot-dotter...
Why does no one ever call me "Joan" anymore?
Observed on the Fazoli's sign today - "Now Hiring Shrimp Parmesan"...I promise that's what it said.

Easing back into blogging...

2007-09-22T20:36:00.000-04:00

with a question of the day.
Why is it that grown women call adult males "boys" which is rather an insult to their manhood, I suppose, and yet I've rarely, if ever, heard those same adult males call us "girls"? (And lest anyone wonder, I've certainly been guilty of this.)
By the way, I have no real explanation for why I haven't blogged for the past several weeks but regardless, I'm back.

Grateful for the choice

2007-08-11T11:23:00.000-04:00

I don't think I've ever quite realized how blessed I am to live in a time and in a country where social customs and/or financial need do not determine my marital opportunities or choices. Yesterday I went with a friend to see "Becoming Jane", a wonderful movie (despite being a bit inappropriate in a couple of places) and also rather tragic. Apparently, circumstances prevented Jane from marrying the great love of her life. And I'm left thinking how grateful I am to be single and free to choose.

Ode to the men

2007-08-09T13:56:00.000-04:00

(Well, not really an ode more of a thank you note or post or whatever...)
For the past several months, I've been a member of the singles' community group at my church. In our group there are a number of great guys and many times over the past months I've found myself bragging on them. Countless times, while driving home from small group, I've said to my roommate, "you know, that's what I love about the men in our group they...[whatever good thing I'd noticed]." I've decided that they should be publicly thanked (though I suppose they might not ever actually read this but still...).
So to the men in my small group who remind us ladies that there are good men left in the world, thank you for -

being willing to pray and lead Bible study
opening doors, carrying our stuff, and generally being helpful and chivalrous without being condescending
genuinely caring about our concerns and prayer requests and showing it by your actions - phone calls, emails, and questions
bringing your male perspective to our group and keeping us women in line when we need it
treating us all with friendliness and politeness no matter our personalities, looks, or attitudes
preferring that women be modest and "classy"
being willing to make community work even when it's hard
planning fun activities and making us laugh until we cry
your authenticity and humility and your willingness to admit brokenness
eating tons of food, talking in your deep voices, and generally just being guys
your willingness to serve, even when some of us aren't good at admitting we need help
being there and being yourselves

Recommended...

2007-08-07T22:34:00.000-04:00

the movie "Once"...I went to see it tonight. The film is charming and artsy, "an unusual musical" and the relationship between the two main characters maintains integrity all the way to the end of the story. The soundtrack to the movie is gorgeous, not mainstream pop at all. So if you're up for something different, go watch "Once." (Note that the film is rated R for language for a reason.)

Quote for the day

2007-08-05T15:50:00.000-04:00

"Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart. Audacious longing, burning songs, daring thoughts, an impulse overwhelming the heart, usurping the mind - these are all a drive toward [loving the One] who rings our heart like a bell." Abraham Heschel

Just trust me...

2007-08-04T17:11:00.000-04:00

and click on this link for a fascinating piece of information.

Personalities...

2007-07-30T20:43:00.000-04:00

I took a free online (and relatively short) Myers-Briggs personality test and discovered that I am an ESFJ (Extraverted/Sensing/Feeling/Judging). Of course, who knows about the accuracy of anything other than the actual test still it was amusing. One of the sites I read about this combination called it the "provider/guardian" and the description seemed like me. For what it's worth, the next time I'm involved in a conversation about personality types and people are spouting off their Myers-Briggs type at least I'll know mine...:)

Quote for the day

2007-07-27T22:12:00.000-04:00

"A book is like a garden carried in the pocket." Chinese proverb

"Pirates" and philosophy

2007-07-27T09:19:00.000-04:00

The massive pirate ship rocking wildly, cannons booming, strange and terrible creatures boarding the ship and thirsty for blood...and in the midst of the chaos and evil, Will and Elizabeth clinging to each other with one hand and fighting off the enemy with the other. Nothing has gone as they expected, misunderstandings and messes have complicated everything, nevertheless they've chosen love and they're fighting for it...together.
Passion and perseverance, fighting for each other and against evil, together no matter what comes...a beautiful image of marriage as it should be in this broken world. Though the fairy tale may only be temporary or not come true at all, though life and each other are far from perfect, two people make a choice - a choice to love one another deeply and truly, knowing that whatever life may bring they choose to face it together.
This is what I'm waiting for, not perfection but love anyway, not a life without troubles but life with someone who knows we may face evil but we will fight it together. And for my dearly loved friends who already have their companion on life's journey, hold onto each other and fight the enemy together.

Quote of the day

2007-07-23T23:52:00.000-04:00

Today I'm quoting a fellow blogger -
"The terrifying thing about love, about intimacy, is the violence of it: I'm not speaking here of physical violence or anything of that sort. I mean simply that violence of becoming known, both to ourselves and to others. The tearing down of boundaries and illusions, the smashing of idols and fantasies, these are almost unbearable to those who seek to hide, to remain in darkness."
From "The Violence of Divine Love" by Fallen Sparrow http://sparrowfallen.blogspot.com/

When words are useless

2007-07-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

Today a dear friend's four month old nephew died. He spent his whole time on earth battling a congenital kidney disease. He had surgery to remove his second kidney last week and everything was going okay. Then suddenly he was taken from his parents by an infection his little body couldn't beat. His family is in shock and heartbroken. Tonight I'm praying for my friend and her brother and sister-in-law. I'm sad and I'm a little angry. I know that as my friend said "her little man is in the Best Arms now" but it still hurts and I ache for them. And I ask Jesus to truly be this family's Emmanuel ("God with us"). We cannot escape grief and suffering in this badly broken world but we are not alone...

Song for the day

2007-07-16T15:37:00.000-04:00

Broken
Artist: Lifehouse
Album: Who We Are

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

Pictures from...

2007-07-07T16:42:00.000-04:00

my Memorial Day weekend trip to Chicago and Wisconsin to visit my brother -
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=8448&l=5f1e0&id=515021287

Elated...

2007-07-05T17:49:00.000-04:00

I PASSED the National Interpreter Certification test! I am a nationally certified sign language interpreter! I'm jumping up and down and flapping my hands. Fireworks, applause, etc., etc. Praise the Lord!

Frustrated

2007-07-02T09:09:00.000-04:00

Don't you hate it when circumstances are finally right for you to get to know someone you've wanted to be friends with for a long time but now you're running out of time? (I'm not sure that sentence even makes sense but that's what I'm thinking. Oh well...longer post later.)

Update...

2007-06-27T19:14:00.000-04:00

His name is Paul Potts. He won the competition and he's singing for the Queen. And...he's recording a CD.

Britains Got Talent - A Star Is Born

2007-06-25T15:11:00.001-04:00

So you all may have seen this already but I just did and I think it's incredible. If he can keep singing like this, someone has to offer him a recording contract. I want a CD!

Status update...

2007-06-22T22:04:00.000-04:00

Listening...to Michael Buble's new album, "Call Me Irresponsible"
Missing...my family
Reading...Borrower of the Night and Hour of Gold, Hour of Lead
Procrastinating...blogging evidently
Feeling...sleepy from too many late night chats
Enjoying...volunteering at a day camp run by an inner-city ministry
Loving...my Jeep
Talking...to myself apparently
Praying...for too many things to list
Wishing...that I didn't just say whatever comes to my mind (If I could manage this, I would feel much less embarrassed at the end of conversations.)
Wondering...why my cell phone bill is so high this month
Quitting...this silly post

Clearly...

2007-06-15T09:51:00.003-04:00

I should definitely consider moving to San Antonio since the Spurs just won another NBA championship.

Voting...

2007-06-09T20:58:00.002-04:00

So my new Jeep needs a bumper sticker and I'm taking opinions. (I'm taking them, not necessarily following them...of course, if you know me, you've probably already assumed that.) Tell me what you think by leaving a comment. (For those of you who aren't familiar with commenting, just click the comment link. Then, you can choose "anonymous" if you want and you won't have to create an account. Just please add your name in your comment so I know whose opinion I'm reading.) The following are the options I'm currently considering -

"This is not my boyfriend's vehicle." (Of course it isn't, I don't have a boyfriend.)
"It's a Jeep thing; you wouldn't understand."
"Silly boys. Jeeps are for girls."
"If you can read this, roll me over."

Okay, let me know you're out there and reading this and tell me what you think.

Wondering...

2007-06-09T20:58:00.001-04:00

Why do old books smell so wonderful? And can someone PLEASE invent a candle that smells like them? I would buy hundreds.

Only if you lived with me...

2007-06-08T23:26:00.000-04:00

would you know that I -

Read books while doing almost anything - brushing my teeth, washing my face, taking out my contacts, cooking, waiting for a slow computer, watching TV (only during the commercials - well mostly only then...), etc.
Let my room get messier and messier when I'm stressed.
Have to have lots of light in any room I'm in but also must turn off the lights in any room that is empty.
Compulsively pile clothes as opposed to putting them away when I undress (Sorry, Mom).
Can't stand food in the sink, dusty baseboards, or crooked pictures but may forget to vacuum or clean the sink.
Absolutely destroy my bed while sleeping.
Suddenly snap and clean up something that's been there forever and hasn't bothered me at all.
Have to sleep with my bedroom door open.
Leave a mess to clean up in the morning when I'm awake and in a good mood (as opposed to the people who must have everything clean before they can sleep).
Put a song on repeat on iTunes and listen to it for hours.
Sit at the computer playing Freecell when I'm too tired to get ready for bed (apparently I also blog when I should be sleeping hence this too random post).
Buy way too many groceries for one single woman to eat (subconsciously I must be buying for those 15 children I used to want).
Am being, quite literally, pushed out of my room by the books (but helplessly and hopelessly continue adding to their number).

We don't understand either...

2007-06-07T20:56:00.000-04:00

Men often say that they don't understand women. Well, I'm here to tell you that you're not alone - we don't understand ourselves either. Why is it that everything was great yesterday, I was fine most of today, and now I'm in a random funk? I have no idea and all I can do is ride the wave. Tomorrow may be fabulous. To the men of the world, don't try to understand us (we don't expect you to) just listen and offer a shoulder to cry on when necessary. To the women of the world, here's to chocolate and feeling better later.

Hmmm...

2007-06-05T18:25:00.000-04:00

"Don't you often wish this marrying business were all over? I would be willing to sacrifice "falling in love," and all that - honeymoon, etc. - if I could just jump into an everyday life like hers. A home, a nice husband (if necessary), and a baby - everything settled and everyday, no romance but a kind of humdrum divinity."
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Things I Love Revised

2007-06-04T20:21:00.000-04:00

To read...

Forest green Jeep Cherokee that I no longer admire from afar - it's sitting in my parking spot outside and it belongs to ME! (Pictures will be forthcoming, still having issues with the Internet because I've been too busy to get in touch with the computer guru husbands of my good friends.)

Random list of things I love

2007-05-21T22:10:00.000-04:00

Dangly earrings
My blue case for my new black iPod (yes the one with all the memory)
A good book preferably new and hardback
Forest green Jeep Cherokees (although I have to admire them from afar)
My short hair especially when it reaches that perfect length where it balances my jaw and my forehead
Bare feet
Sparkly red nail polish
Teenagers
Folksy rock music (if there even is such a genre but that's what I'm calling it)
The wind

Fodder for a post

2007-05-19T22:17:00.000-04:00

Clearly I should have just gone to see Spiderman 3 today. Instead I spent the whole day fighting a recalcitrant computer and in the end resolved nothing. I'm still using my roommate's computer since my internet won't work (the wireless adapter insists it's connected but Explorer and Firefox don't think so). However, with her help I did accomplish the following:

Spent sixty dollars on a new USB wireless network adapter on the theory that the old one was broken
Reformatted my computer - resulting in much faster processing of the same errors
Hacked someone else's wireless network
Reloaded several programs from the internet while it was temporarily working
Decided to buy a new wireless router then decided not to after the internet quit working again
Managed to delete our wireless network and then recreate a new but unprotected one
Crashed the internet on both computers
Fixed the above on one computer
Changed countless settings and then changed them back when there were no results
Restarted the computer at least fifteen times but thanks to the reformatting this occurred much more rapidly
Received the error message "Repair failed because the following action cannot be completed: The IP address cannot be renewed." approximately six hundred million times
Googled the above error message and read long useless threads of discussion
Wished for a computer guru among my close friends
Tried to convince myself that a logical solution did not include throwing the computer out the window and buying a new one (but I do want a laptop...)
Quit the whole process in total frustration
Assuaged my irritation by a trip to Barnes and Noble and the purchase of the new issue of Real Simple and a copy of The Freedom Writers' Diary

I'm currently waiting for a computer genius to parachute onto my balcony...

Quotes for the day

2007-05-19T19:05:00.000-04:00

"We spend our lives saying hello, we spend our lives loving, and we spend our lives saying goodbye. It is the way it is. To refuse to acknowledge this is to miss out on all the beauty and wonder of life." Susan Meissner

"Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less."

For His pleasure

2007-05-10T18:39:00.000-04:00

"Have you ever seen the shows on the Discovery Channel about sea creatures that have just been discovered but have existed for thousands of years? I wonder why God created them when no one has been able to enjoy them. And then I realize God himself has been enjoying them." from The Jesus of Suburbia by Mike Erre

And I wonder - when no one else sees me or what I'm doing, is God enjoying watching me? Do I bring Him pleasure? We won't all be world-changers, leaders of major ministries, authors of well-known books or history-making missionaries but we can all live with faith and joy before our Father and delight Him as He watches us.

My paradox

2007-05-09T21:59:00.000-04:00

I have never been so delightfully happy single and yet, at the same time, I have never so much wanted to get married. And the solution is...?

Poem for the day

2007-05-05T12:05:00.001-04:00

"He is the Way.
Follow Him through the Land of Unlikeness;
You will see rare beasts, and have unique adventures.

He is the Truth.
Seek Him in the Kingdom of Anxiety;
You will come to a great city that has expected your return for years.

He is the Life.
Love Him in the World of the Flesh;
And at your marriage all its occasions shall dance for joy."

W. H. Auden

A list for Fairlight

2007-05-05T08:40:00.000-04:00

Or things only my roommate cares about -

1) I'm wondering if the problem with my internet is the wireless card inside the USB router. Like the router is working and that's why it says it's connected but it can't find my computer because the wireless card is malfunctioning. We know my dear old computer doesn't have a wireless card inside it so I'm thinking Claire bought the USB router so that everything would work. (I'm wondering if I should broadcast my total computer ignorance on the Internet.)

2) We now not only live in an apartment complex where people randomly tear open trash bags in the dumpster; we are also blessed to have been solicited by a random young guy with some sort of scam. I'm pretty sure it was a scam anyway because he had this supposed authenticity certificate for what he was doing (selling magazines and books I think or asking people to grade his politeness or whatever it was to get points to help pay for his college) was just some obviously homemade sheet covered in contact paper. Also, I think he should have tried harder with his story, "your neighbors have been helping me along at least the ones who speak English since many of them speak Spanish." Ummm, you live here too and you know that assertion is patently false. Maybe you should consider getting into this business. It could help you pay for school, too. Honestly, I think I probably should have called the police (couldn't call the office since it was already closed) but I had no idea how to handle that. I mean, definitely not calling 911 to say "there's a kid wearing a baseball cap and windbreaker going door to door in my apartment complex trying to sell something." I guess I'll just ask Jeff tonight.
P.S. - To calm the fears of anyone who hasn't seen where I live, it's beautiful and perfectly safe (personally approved by Fairlight's police officer brother) but there are strange people everywhere.

3) I changed my winter clothes for my summer clothes today.

4) Your alarm clock woke me up at 6:30 this morning. :)

5) The pile of magazines that's been sitting in the floor since my "freak out and go through all the paper in all the baskets in the kitchen and living room" has now migrated to the dumpster.

6) Apparently, if I ever live alone in San Antonio, I will write lots of emails and blog posts, watch crime shows religiously, make many phone calls, take a walk everyday, and clean like a maniac.

7) A year and a half ago you did something that touched me more than I've ever been able to tell you. You took that goofy little ornament that says "Believe" and knowing I needed to see it figured out a way to aesthetically put it up even though it was too small and didn't go with anything else. Lest you doubt me, there are tears in my eyes as I'm typing this.

8) Tell Claire I said hi and have a marvelous mini-vacation in St. Louis.

9) And in case you didn't already know this about me, I tend to put my business out where everybody can know about it. :)

Guaranteed to make me cry

2007-05-04T21:05:00.000-04:00

Only one part of my single life is guaranteed to make me cry - my car breaking down. If anything (and I do mean anything, I bawled all the way home the day my driver's side power window malfunctioned) goes wrong with my car, I lose it. Needless to say, when I had problems starting my car last night it put me on edge. Fortunately, it started fine this morning but tomorrow afternoon it's going to the car doctors at Firestone. If I'm lucky they'll figure out what's wrong, the car won't actually break down, and I'll be saved a crying jag. Most issues affecting a single, adult woman I can handle with poise but the car is just beyond me. When a Superwoman loses control, she cries. Wonder what Superman does?

Psychological maturity

2007-04-30T21:00:00.000-04:00

Recognizing one's feelings and acting accordingly is commonly associated with psychological maturity and health. However, small children unconsciously follow their every emotion, acting and reacting accordingly. No one aspires to behave like a two year old for the rest of his life. The truly psychologically and emotionally mature person realizes the difference between what he feels and what he believes, what he wants and what he needs, what is transient and what is permanent, and between what is selfish and what is selfless. Thus, he is able to make difficult decisions, place others' needs ahead of his own, and do what is right, regardless of the consequences. By doing this, he is able to remain true, not necessarily to his changing feelings, but to the constant essence of who he is.

Hmmm...

2007-04-30T20:58:00.000-04:00

So why is it that after I decide that I'm not moving to San Antonio and buying a Jeep that what I want is to move to San Antonio and buy a Jeep?

Pictures from the Czech Republic

2007-04-22T08:51:00.000-04:00

I've spent most of the week trying to overcome jet lag and dealing with the tragedy at Virginia Tech. A real post about my visit to the Czech Republic is forthcoming but for the moment, here is a link to an album of some of my pictures from the trip - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=1734&l=3923d&id=515021287

Fluff from a Ditzy Brunette

2007-04-22T08:46:00.000-04:00

I have to confess that for years, until yesterday actually, I've been puzzled by the coffee cup on the Walgreen's drug store sign. What does coffee have to do with a pharmacy? However, assuming that everyone else understood such a simple thing and being too embarrassed to ask, I remained silent about my confusion. Yesterday, while sitting at an intersection and gazing at the Walgreen's sign yet again, it hit me - it's not a coffee cup; it's a mortar and pestle. Hello! What have I been thinking all this time? Oh well.

Off to Europe

2007-04-05T07:09:00.000-04:00

For my spring break, I'm on my way to visit one of my best friends and her husband in the Czech Republic. I'll catch up this sadly delinquent blog when I arrive home. Blessed Easter!

Quote of the day

2007-03-17T22:47:00.000-04:00

"Tolerance is a cheap, low-grade parody of love." N. T. Wright

(More on my weekend later but suffice it to say for now that I collected this quote while listening to Wright lecture at a church nearby.)

My Love Affair

2007-03-13T22:24:00.000-04:00

Not with a man (though I have no objection to that idea if a man should present himself) but with mystery novels. Five of this genre are stacked on my couch at the moment. A dear friend gave me one of those "book a day" calendars and a mystery novel is the first recommendation I've followed from it. A small tower of paperback Agatha Christies resides on my floor in front of an utterly overstuffed bookshelf. However, I'm not drawn to mystery novels because of the "who-dun-it" factor. (I'm a miserable failure at ever figuring out such things. As a child, I just went straight to the solutions in the back of the Encyclopedia Browns while my younger brother could actually solve some himself.) I think it's the philosophical issues that draw me in - the battle between good and evil, the absoluteness of truth (something was done and a specific person did it), the conflicts inside all humankind, the psychological meanderings, the human interest. I suppose that this affair is rather "low-brow." After all, mystery novels can be rather predictable and certainly don't demand deep concentration or critical thinking. Perhaps this affair is a result of my generally plebian nature but regardless, no matter how often I attempt to turn away, I'm drawn relentlessly back to a new author, a new mystery, a new sleuth.

Quote of the day

2007-03-11T17:50:00.000-04:00

This one is from my eleven year old brother but it's singularly appropriate for me. While playing UpWords last night, he said "Letters, precious letters. Letters that make up the words that make up the books that make up my life."

Maybe if the adults used correct punctuation...

2007-03-11T17:46:00.000-04:00

While substitute interpreting at the county middle school, I spotted the following posted on a bulletin board. Maybe it's one indication of why they haven't yet arrived at their goal.

Our goal is

100% pass rate

on the SOL's.

On the SOL's what? Dog? Score sheet? Book? My mom suggested I should add a note to this sign with the quote "The panda eats, shoots, and leaves" from the hilarious book Eats, Shoots, and Leaves.

Needed: One Travel Agent

2007-03-09T20:43:00.000-05:00

Over the past several years, I've built up a solid reputation as a patron of ghetto gas stations. The worst part is that these adventures are most likely to occur when I'm traveling solo. Once, while visiting my parents, I stopped to buy gas while out on an errand. Two gas stations were available on opposite sides of the road. Naturally, I ended up at the one with bars in all the windows instead of the perfectly nice one across the way. When traveling to Texas with my mom, she learned that I was not exaggerating about this problem. Practically every place we stopped when I was driving made her nervous and some of them she flat refused, insisting that we look for another exit. Driving home after Christmas vacation, I'm pretty sure I stopped at the only gas station in Sanford with a man imbibing from a bottle hidden in a paper bag and seranading the customers. I passed about half a dozen gas stations in the town before I got to this one. As I left the parking lot, I called my mom and boasted that my reputation was still intact. Then, the last time I picked a hotel (online naturally) it ended up being rather ghetto as well. Apparently, my skill is related to any stop made while on a trip. Wonderful.

All this to say that when I planned my trip to Baltimore I was a bit concerned. However, I was actually staying in a suburb of the city and the testing center was there, too. Didn't seem like it could be too dangerous. However, knowing my tendencies, I brought up my safety as a prayer request at singles' group. That was a bit of a mistake - my half-joking attitude did not at all amuse the police officer among us. Oh well. Honestly, I didn't think I had much to worry about, especially when I noticed, as I pulled off the interstate, the Lowe's and large shopping center across from the hotel.

But, it was not to be. (Maybe I should have realized this when I passed the woman walking down the road, dragging a suitcase on wheels.) Standing in the lobby while checking in, I became aware of a somewhat disreputable-looking man sitting nearby and protesting into the phone, "But they won't let me stay here without a picture ID. I already walked over here from the other place. Since I don't have ID I can't check in." Lovely. My parents have been in millions of hotel lobbies over the years and not once encountered a remotely similar situation. I got my key and escaped up the stairs (which smelled faintly of nursing home disinfectant) to my room. For your information, it's a bad omen for the whole hotel room when you flip the light switch by the door and it results in a unpleasant buzzing noise and flickering light. Items to be noted (or what I would have said if I'd filled out a comment card) -

Floors benefit greatly from vacuuming.
When painting the walls, please tape the metal door frames, baseboards, etc.
Light switch plates should be cleaned; this will prevent stickiness.
When you pull something out of the wall, it is customary to fill in the resulting holes.
I prefer a bathroom devoid of other people's hair.
The refrigerator, microwave, hair dryer, iron, and ironing board (even the cable) could be given up in exchange for cleanliness.
A heater requiring constant monitoring to insure it doesn't burst into flames should visit the heater hospital.
No scary men were hiding under the beds.
Additionally, no scary bugs were hiding in the beds. (I know, I checked, I couldn't have slept otherwise.)
The TV worked and provided sufficent relaxing entertainment in the form of a couple of episodes of "What Not to Wear."
The end of the roll of toilet paper was beautifully, impeccably folded.

When I went out later for food, I called my mom to inform her that my reputation was intact. (Perhaps I should have saved this for after I survived the experience. She was reassured, though, by the pepper spray my roommate gave me for Christmas.) I have decided, however, that rather than trusting to my own inability to pick appropriate places, I should employ a personal travel agent. Now I understand all of my mom's hotel paranoias that frustrated me when I was a child. Anyone want to volunteer to choose my hotel the next time I travel?

Excuses

2007-03-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

My test went pretty well and I survived the trip to Baltimore. Without, I might add, losing my reputation for choosing ghetto hotels but that is another story and not one I'm telling tonight. At the moment, I'm wallowing in my lack of stress and extra free time. Writing a longer post will have to wait until tomorrow because tonight I'm medicating an unreasonable and childish attitude (a state of mind instigated by a less than thrilling haircut) with a viewing of "Master and Commander." However, in the interest of laziness, I'm posting yet another quote about reading that describes me perfectly.

"To the habitual reader, reading is a drug of which he is the slave; deprive him of printed matter and he grows nervous, moody, and restless; then, like the alcoholic bereft of brandy who will drink shellac or methylated spirit, he will make do with the advertisements of a paper five years old; he will make do with a telephone directory." - W. Somerset Maugham

Places in the heart

2007-02-26T21:54:00.000-05:00

Came across the following while reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge -
"Reading George MacDonald several years ago, I came across an astounding thought. You've probably heard that there is in every human heart a place that God alone can fill. (Lord knows we've tried to fill it with everything else, to our utter dismay.) But what the old poet was saying was that there is also in God's heart a place that you alone can fill. 'It follows that there is also a chamber in God himself, into which none can enter but the one, the individual.' You. You are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill. Whoa. He longs for you."

Quote of the day

2007-02-26T21:50:00.000-05:00

(Been busy and stressed preparing for a national interpreter certification test on Saturday. However, I'm never too busy to read and, on occasion, collect quotes. Intelligent and new information will appear next week. For now, I'm depending on the wisdom of other authors.)

"To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst - is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed." From The Sacred Journey by Frederick Buechner

Quote for the day

2007-02-18T17:23:00.000-05:00

"In the inscrutable mystery of life and death, there is no glib answer. There is faith or there isn't. Faith is an assuagement of grief, though not of your sorrow. With faith one can accept the painful reality of loss. With faith one can accept the finality of death. We are created, we live, we die, we live again. 'In my Father's house are many mansions. If it were not so I would have told you.'"
Quoted in The Swan House by Elizabeth Musser

Snow Day - Take Two

2007-02-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

The above depicts the results of cold air plus moisture. Admittedly that measly inch would go unnoticed by my cousins in northern Ohio and my brother in Wisconsin, but at least this is a snow day with actual snow.

Randomness from a day off -

Exercise - I've finally figured out a feasible time in my day to exercise. Since I work at a high school and arrive home at 3:30, I've discovered that going to work out immediately after I get home leaves the rest of my day undisturbed and doesn't require my arising at some unearthly hour of the morning. It's worked beautifully all week and hopefully, I'll keep it up. As a side note, the Stairmaster hurts.

Bad reading habits - No, I'm not talking about my tendency to read the end of a book first. (Although this is a problem and rather ironic considering all the times I read my brother the riot act about this when we were kids.) I scan books, especially when I'm bored or trying to decide what I feel like reading. At the moment, four library books stacked on my hope chest have been scanned but not read. I'm stuck: do I just take them back since I know the general plotlines, characters, and conclusions or do I force myself to faithfully read every word so I don't miss any of the nuances of the stories?

Responsible adult behavior - My taxes are done, finished, sent in to the government and it's the beginning of February. Plans to fly back from the Czech Republic on April 15 have a way of motivating one.

21st century decisions - Part of my tax refund is marked to further catch me up to this century. So the question of the moment is - iPod or iPod Nano? The Nano comes in a delightful shade of blue but the iPod has so much more memory.

Valentine's Day - I bought myself a Valentine's Day gift AND it's jewelry. The logic for this? If I were dating someone I'd be buying him a gift. I'm just as single as I can be so I'm buying myself a gift. (This is also the logic for assisting in buying myself a Christmas gift - the digital camera.) To see what I bought follow the link - http://www.signals.com/signals/Jewelry_1FA/Bracelets-Watches_1FC/Item_Great-Love-Cuff-Bracelet_HD2995_ps_cti-1FC.html (Hmmm...has to be a better way to insert a link but I'm clueless so I'll leave it for now until someone rescues me.)

Men vs. women - "It's not so much that men are rational and women are emotional. Men just have different emotions. Male emotion tends more in the political junkie direction. "Junkie" is not the image of rationality." Ann Althouse
Although I would argue that this doesn't occur only in the realm of politics, this blog author clearly supports the idea I've been advocating to my roommate lately. Men make emotionally driven decisions as much as women do. They're simply not aware of it and thus, have a harder time controlling the tendency. As opposed to one of my girlfriends who informed me that there are certain weeks of the month she just refuses to make important decisons because she knows they will be irrationally emotionally influenced. (If you want to read more from Ann Althouse, click the link under Blogs I Read.)

Lest I seem shallow, I'll add a quote I found the other day and have been contemplating ever since.
"The secret of success in this life is to realize that the crisis on our planet is much larger than just deciding what to do with your own life. The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world." Marianne Williamson

To everyone not enjoying the riches of a snow day and the resultant time off work, I hope you are having a good day anyway and I shall try to refrain from gloating.

Quote

2007-02-02T16:46:00.000-05:00

Closing monologue from "The Story of Us"
"Katie is played by Michele Pfieffer and Ben is played by Bruce Willis. They are picking up their kids from summer camp and had agreed they'd tell them togetherthat they have decided to get a divorce.
KATIE: I think we should go to Chow Fun's.
Ben stops.
BEN (sotto): Chow Fun's? I thought we agreed we couldn't really talk at Chow Fun's.
Katie looking deep into his eyes, responds:
KATIE: I know.
Ben crosses over to her.
BEN: What are you saying?
KATIE (with resolve): I'm saying Chow Fun's.
BEN: Are you saying Chow Fun's because you don't want to face telling the kids? Because if that's why you're saying Chow Fun's, don't say Chow Fun's.
KATIE: That's not why I'm saying Chow Fun's. I'm saying Chow Fun's because we're an "us".
There's a history and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy or somewhere back there, there were cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want to build another city. I like this city. I know where we keep the Bactine, and what kind of mood you're in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher. And you always know that I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly. That's a dance you perfect over time.
And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad. And you don't just give up. And it's not for the sake of the children, but they're great kids aren't they? And we made them - I mean think about that - there were no people there and then there were people - two of them. And they grew. And I won't be able to say to some stranger, "Josh has your hands" or "Remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial?"
So what if that stranger listens to me? I mean, Lucas Adler listens but then he always says "between you and I" and it should be "between you and me" because "between" is a preposition. And it's not that there's not a charming part about you not remembering the washerfluid - which I don't understand why you can't - but that's not ultimately important. I'll try to remember that those things can be mildly endearing at times...And let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits? I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so at least I can find the beach, but that's not a criticism of you, it's just a strength of mine.
And you're a good friend and good are hard to find. Charlotte in "Charlotte's Web" said that and I love the way you read that to Erin - when you take on the voice of Wilbur the pig with such commitment even when you're bone tired. It speaks volumes about character. And ultimately isn't that what it comes down to? What a person's made of at the end of the day? Because that pith helmet girl is still in here - "BEE-BOO, BEE-BOO!" And I didn't even know she existed until I met you. And if you leave, I may never see her again - even though I said at times you beat her out of me - Isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, yin and yang, the best of times, the worst of times. I think Dickens said it best. It's the Jack Sprat of it, he could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, but that doesn't really apply here. Does it? I mean I guess what I'm trying to say is - I'm saying Chow Fun's because I love you. "
After a beat, Ben explodes with sheer joy, grabs Katie and kisses her passionately. We see Josh and Erin watching their parents stunned at their behavior. Ben and Katie start getting into the car, as do the kids. "

Taken from Marriage Quotes at http://smartmarriages.com/marriage.quotes.html

No...Really?

2007-02-01T15:38:00.000-05:00

A helpful statement from the local news weather report -

"The temperature profile of the atmosphere has been cold enough for snow today, but to make snow you need moisture, and TITAN radar has shown most of that well south into the Carolinas."

Snow Day

2007-02-01T14:15:00.000-05:00

Today I'm at home hanging out because school is closed for snow. The picture above is what it's looked like all day. It's 2:00 in the afternoon and nothing's changed. I'm a little embarrassed to confess that I'm not working today because of the so-called inclement weather. I wonder if I'll be working tonight at the community college. Probably so, unless the weather changes drastically between now and then. But I'm enjoying the time off anyway and since the roads are utterly dry I went to the bookstore (where else?). When I enter a bookstore, books start jumping off shelves and tables and into my arms. The stray orphans I brought home today?

Abraham's Well - Sharon Elwell Foster
The Bobbsey Twins of Lakeport - Laura Lee Hope
The Bobbsey Twins' Adventure in the Country - ""
The Bobbsey Twins: The Secret at the Seashore - ""
The Bobbsey Twins' Mystery at School - ""
The Sunflower - Richard Paul Evans
Amos Fortune: Free Man - Elizabeth Yates
So Many Books, So Little Time - Sara Nelson
Blinded By Sunlight - Matthew McAllester
Flyboys - James Bradley
Madeline's Rescue - Ludwig Bemelmans
Divine Nobodies - Jim Palmer

I think that's pretty much the end of my book budget for the month of February.

My thought for today

2007-01-28T23:14:00.000-05:00

The universal sign of a good man - He is good to children and to the elderly.

I am NOT a "nice lady"

2007-01-28T16:06:00.000-05:00

Little girl babbling to me about her new toy, little boy telling me some crazy imaginary story, inquisitive toddler asking personal questions, adorable baby offering me a soggy cracker, squelched by their concerned mothers with the ubiquitious "don't bother the nice lady." Well, let me tell you although I may look like the average professional single woman with much more important affairs than conversing with your small child, I am NOT a "nice lady" who doesn't want to be bothered. I am a mom at heart, a woman who eagerly awaits her turn at mothering, a girl convinced that a life with no children ever is certainly worse than a life without a man ever. Please, please let your children "bother" me. I'm not too busy to listen to their silly stories, not offended at their questions, and if your baby wants to share his snack I promise I don't mind. Don't call me a nice lady (Who came up with that anyway? "Don't bother the nice lady." If I had a dime for every time someone said that to their kids...) just smile at me over the top of your angel's head and let me enjoy it. You know, I've never heard anyone say that to their kids about another person who is obviously a parent. Apparently, children only bother young professionals who haven't achieved the status of "Mommy" or "Daddy." Oh well...maybe I'll get a shirt announcing my position to the world - You're not bothering the "nice lady!"

Heard on the radio

2007-01-28T16:00:00.000-05:00

The rewards of a late night run to the grocery store for milk, a great new-to-me song -

Imagine That - Diamond Rio
(Derek George/John Tirro/Bryan White)

What is the world comin' to
When lovers can't believe
They got a love comin' true
Then they up and leave
They say they will when they won't
They say I do and then they don't
That ain't the way it's got to be
With you and me

Imagine that, a love that lasts forever
Imagine that, for all the world to see
That two people stay together
The way it ought to be
Oh imagine that

I don't intend to change the world
I couldn't if I tried
As long as I've got you with me girl
I'll be satisfied
Let's do what we can, mean what we say
We'll just take it day by day cause I want to prove to everyone
That it can be done

Imagine that, a love that lasts forever
Imagine that, for all the world to see
That two people stay together
The way it ought to be
Oh imagine that

Do you believe in love enough to go the distance?
Do you believe in love enough to make a stand?
Do you believe enough to handle the resistance?
I believe we can

Imagine that, a love that lasts forever
Imagine that, for all the world to see
That two people stay together
The way it ought to be
Oh imagine that
Oh imagine that
Imagine that
Oh imagine that

Quote of the day

2007-01-25T22:08:00.000-05:00

"It is as absurd to pretend that one cannot love the same woman always, as to pretend that a good artist needs several violins to execute a piece of music."
Honore de Balzac

Not the only one

2007-01-24T22:01:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to report that tonight I finally found some girls who also go to the movies alone. Some people think it's pathetic to go alone to the movie theater but I think it's pathetic to sit at home moping because you want to see a movie but don't have anyone to join you. Delighted to find some ladies who agree with me. Actually, one of the girls had even gone alone on a cruise to the Bahamas. Now there's an idea...

High school romance

2007-01-24T18:56:00.000-05:00

Random observations about high schoolers and relationships -

What is going on with the kids who have friends of the opposite gender that they like and interact with better than their actual significant other? Why are they dating the boyfriend/girlfriend if they would rather hang out with the other friend? Why aren't they dating the friend? Why are they dating at all? Or maybe they just need to wait for relationships and enjoy being friends for now. I'm confused but then I confess to having been utterly out of the dating loop in high school.
Weird moment today - Overheard some kids discussing kissing with your eyes open versus kissing with your eyes closed and their personal experiences. Since I've admittedly and proudly never been kissed, it's rather odd to hear children ten years younger discussing this topic. Apparently one should kiss with eyes closed otherwise it's weird. When I try it out I'll let you know what I think.
How do teenagers date seriously and say "I love you", etc. when they must know that the relationship will end probably sooner rather than later? Do they just not think about it? Do they genuinely believe that the relationship is permanent? I'm thinking that saying the things people say when they're dating but simultaneously knowing that you don't really mean it is nothing less than good preparation for not taking marital commitment seriously.

Working in a high school everyday is all kinds of fodder for my mind. I love teenagers but sometimes I'm seriously puzzled. Oh well...

Quote of the day

2007-01-20T22:50:00.000-05:00

"Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand." St. Augustine

Gluttony

2007-01-20T22:47:00.000-05:00

As it turns out, the Waldenbooks in the other mall is also closing. My loot from today -

Elephants Can Remember - Agatha Christie
Nemesis - Agatha Christie
4:50 from Paddington - Agatha Christie
The Murder on the Links - Agatha Christie
Dragon Rider - Cornelia Funke
1776 - David McCullough
There's a Wocket in my Pocket - Dr. Seuss
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell
The Angels of Morgan Hill - Donna VanLiere
Through Painted Deserts - Donald Miller
A Continual Feast - Jan Karon
Patches of Godlight - Jan Karon

Heard on the radio while driving home

2007-01-18T22:29:00.000-05:00

Rush Of Fools - Undo
From the album Rush Of Fools

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Chorus
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Make every step lead me back toThe sovereign way that You

Chorus
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

Never too busy for books

2007-01-17T22:41:00.000-05:00

One of those weeks where I feel like I'm only home long enough to sleep but despite the craziness, I found time to squeeze in a trip to the Waldenbooks at our mall. The store is closing on Saturday and their entire stock is 40% off. How does one restrain oneself in the presence of such riches? My acquistions from this evening (I'm not promising that I won't go back before Saturday) -
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day - Judith Viorst
Mockingbird (a biography of Harper Lee) - Charles J. Shields
Rachel Ray 30-Minute Meals
Nickel and Dimed 0 Barbara Ehrenreich
Cards on the Table - Agatha Christie
Five Little Pigs - Agatha Christie
The Moffats - Eleanor Estes
The Thief Lord - Cornelia Funke
Murder at the Vicarage - Agatha Christie
Violet Comes to Stay - Melanie Cecka
Guess How Much I Love You - Sam McBratney

Quote

2007-01-14T17:48:00.000-05:00

"Peace is not placidity: peace is
The power to endure the megatron of pain
With joy, the silent thunder of release,
The ordering of Love. Peace is the atom's start,
The primal image: God within the heart."

Madeleine L'Engle

Here I am

2007-01-14T17:38:00.000-05:00

My blogging experiment began a couple of months ago with a Myspace blog. I've enjoyed babbling in print so much that I decided I'd like a regular blog. Plus, my non-Myspace member mom can read and enjoy this one. So here I am. This is my first official post for this blog. Everything else before today is a re-posting of my Myspace posts. Feels a bit pretentious to say, "I wrote this now please read it" but my goal is just fun and a place to vent on occasion. If you're interested, read and comment and let's have an online adventure.

Randomness

2007-01-13T17:37:00.000-05:00

Randomness from yesterday (so yeah I should have posted it yesterday but I was too busy hanging out with my roommate last night) -

I shouldn't go shopping when I have no idea what I'm looking for and all the time in the world. I came home with a wooden shape puzzle for a two year old (my friends who have two year olds please come and visit so I can justify this purchase), a large yellow pottery teapot, a Dr. Seuss book (they were on sale at Target), and a new pillow (I was looking for that). Oh! And a ten dollar pair of gorgeous Gap black pants (the whole reason I went out in the first place) and a lovely emerald green tone-on-tone stripe shirt from The Limited also on sale.

Fashion trends I just don't understand - Super-mini denim skirt, long striped leg warmers, and flip-flops

The only kind of fish I actually like - Tilapia. My best friend's mom made it for dinner one night and it was delicious. Decided I was in the mood for some so I bought the fillets at Walmart and then the pan to grill it at Target. Haven't made it yet but hopefully it will turn out well.

I need to be concerned when...I'm standing in the aisle at Walmart, looking at toys on clearance after Christmas, and have to apply strong mental restraint and budgeting control to refrain from purchasing a huge Tonka dump truck. Mental self-talk - "What could you possibly do with one of these? Where would you store it? No, you just don't need to spend $25 on this. Of course your sons will play with these one day but you don't even have a boyfriend at the moment so let's get the timeline right. Just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking...(channeling Dorrie from "Finding Nemo")."

For anyone who didn't already know that I'm insane, this post should prove it. :) Have a lovely weekend!

Big blue ball

2007-01-12T17:37:00.000-05:00

I bought one of those exercise balls earlier this week because they seem like a fun way to workout. Well...I don't know if they're fun or not but I can tell you that blowing up the ball was a ton of exercise only made tolerable by the fact that I was simultaneously watching TV. For those of you who know I can't blow up a balloon and are worrying about how I blew up a ball, they sell a pump with the thing. Naturally I checked that before I bought it. :) Anyway, I've played around with it some and it seems like a good workout as long as you don't roll off it. Maybe I just bought it because it's a great seat and I do love sitting on it. When I was a kid, I always used to sit on my brothers' basketballs and soccer balls so maybe it's just a holdover from then. Okay so this post is completely random and boring but I felt like writing it so there you go. :)

And the grand total is...

2007-01-05T17:36:00.000-05:00

For those of you who didn't know starting in January of 2006 I kept a running list of how many books I bought in one year. Of course I know I'm a bookaholic but I was curious just exactly how many books I acquired in a year. The grand total - 250. So ten years from now the current size of my library will have doubled. Better earn that Superwoman cape if I'm ever planning to move or find a VERY patient man. :)

My sentiments exactly...

2007-01-04T17:35:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't blogged in a few weeks I guess it's a cop out to just post a link to someone else's post but this is good so humor me and follow it. :) Especially all my single girlfriends. I love it when a fellow single woman puts into words exactly what I'm thinking but haven't quite figured out how to articulate. Yes, I'm walking around with a checklist and haven't found anyone who passes and that's why I'm still single. (Read previous sentence with your best sarcastic tone.) With a bit of tweaking, I'd take a man like her list as well. http://www.megfowler.com/2006/12/11/the-boys/ Tell me what you think, ladies

I reserve the right...

2006-12-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

I reserve the right to post as many quotes as my heart desires. If I'm boring you to tears, I apologize; you may reserve the right to not read my blog. :) Anyway, reading a terrific book "A Live Coal in the Sea" by Madeleine L'Engle and came across the following -

"Why are we so compulsive about phones? Because there have been too many traumas, too many urgent calls. The more people we love, the more vulnerable we are, and the more likely to rush to answer the phone..."

I can take care of your kids but I'll kill your plants

2006-12-15T17:33:00.000-05:00

For unknown reasons, I always kill plants. Several times since I moved into my own place I've bought these lovely plants, hardy plants, easy to take care of plants, that would flourish in anyone else's house. But, in my house, without exception they die. I think it has something to do with the fact that I tend to forget they need water. It's not intentional - the plant sits on the counter and I just don't see it and then one day I gasp, "oh my goodness - that plant needs water and I'm the one who has to give it water." By then, it's usually too late or bordering on too late and I have another plant ready for the dumpster. I've given up; I see beautiful plants that I would love to buy and have in my house but it's only a matter of how many days before it dies so I pass longingly by and buy a book (I haven't killed one of those yet.) So, to get to the point of this post, remember how Tommy gave us a beautiful poinsetta? After I commented to Fairlight on how beautiful it was, I followed up with "And we have to at least keep it alive for one week so Tommy can see it here when he comes to the party. We should be able to handle just one week." That was last Saturday. Last night I'm sitting at the table, eating dinner, chatting with Fairlight, I look over in the corner and all of a sudden it hits me. "Fairlight, that poinsetta is alive and we're going to kill it! Have you watered it or anything? I totally forgot it was there." "Well, I thought about it last night but I didn't remember long enough to do anything." Needless to say, the poinsetta received a drink of water but I felt ridiculous. This gorgeous flower has been sitting in the dining room since last Saturday and the first time I even notice and remember that it needs care is Thursday night at dinner. Plainly, I'm oblivious to the care and feeding of plants. Do not, however, be concerned should you decide to leave your children with me. I am more than competent with children. I have yet to kill a child who was in my care; perhaps it's because when they get hungry or thirsty they yell. I wonder what it would be like if my plants could do that...

Influences

2006-12-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

When I was an older teen, I devoured every book authored by Francis or Edith Schaeffer that I could get my hands on. Their philosophy and theology subconsciously shaped me in ways that it's taken me years to fully recognize and appreciate. I still love their books and if you haven't read anything by either one of them, I'd encourage you to choose one and read it. Anyway, I'm currently reading Affliction by Edith Schaeffer and the following quote is from it.
"We are not carbon copies turned out of a machine. We are not mass-produced in a factory. We are individuals with significance in history, so immensely important that no one else can live our lives or die our deaths for us. No one else can have our joys or bear our pain for us. It is not possible for anyone else to win our victories for us in any area. Satan attacks us individually, and we must as individuals cry out to God for help in defeating Satan as he tries to put a wedge between God and us. When Satan attacks believers, he is trying to put a barrier between an individual child of God and God the Father. Satan attempts to get people to curse God, to blame Him for their troubles, as well as to stop loving God. Satan indirectly attacks God by a direct attack on one of God's children. The victory for God against Satan is when - one by one - God's people continue to love Him and trust Him in the midst of unchanging circumstances." Edith Schaeffer

Emmanuel's redemption

2006-12-12T17:31:00.000-05:00

"God with us. Emmanuel. Jesus left the place where he was loved and everything he had and chose to spend the day with us in his perfect world that we had messed up. He saw beauty in things that were broken and people who were discarded. He redemmed us. And then he taught us how to reduce ourselves for others. Reuse the mess we had created to redeem each other. Recycle his words and share them with everybody."
Siri Mitchell

Tommy Part II

2006-12-09T17:29:00.000-05:00

This morning I was out the door at 8:25 on my way to "scoop ice cream" (that particular reference is for any of my friends from TTU - for the rest of you I was going to interpret). I opened the door and found a beautiful poinsetta accompanied by a note. It was from Tommy, the older man who lives downstairs and it was precious - "You know, one has many blessings from Almighty God in one's life. I do believe that, at this Christmastime my greatest blessing is - to have you two as friends. Tommy" I've been in a bit of a funk the past couple of days and also I've been feeling generally lost and purposeless. Knowing that Fairlight and I have deeply touched the heart of this dear man brought a smile back to my face. We are here for each other, for community, to be Jesus to one another. I'm stunned that such a small thing in our eyes, inviting a neighbor to a Christmas party, has had such an effect. I feel guilty thinking of all the times in the past two and a half years we almost did something for Tommy or Earl and it motivates me to keep my eyes and heart open to the people around me and follow that small voice that suggests I reach out. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do next month or next summer or next year but maybe that's not as important as genuinely loving others wherever I am. Maybe there isn't some great plan with tremendous results just the everyday incarnational ministry of love.

Death

2006-12-08T17:27:00.000-05:00

"We will die. All of us. Everyone. We know this. But it will always feel like a surprise." David Crowder

I'm going on a date

2006-12-07T17:25:00.000-05:00

My roommate and I have decided to throw a Christmas party. We've talked about it other years but this year we're actually doing it. (I promise this is relevant to the post title just be patient.) Anyway, we made a guest list and printed invitations. Two of our neighbors, Tommy and Earl, are absolutely the most delightful old men. They check on us, chat with us, advise us, and generally have a wonderful way of making you walk taller and smile bigger. So we left invitations in the clips outside their apartments. Tuesday I was gone all day and late at night when I arrived home a lovely note on formal stationery was waiting in our clip. "I am honored to be invited to your open house on 16 December. I am pleased to accept same. If you like, I will be happy to help out any way you wish......" and on in the same charming tone inviting Fairlight and I to dinner with Earl and him. Absolutely precious. Tommy lost his wife a few years ago and practically every time I talk to him he'll tell some story that involves her - how he proposed, what she looked like, how she picked out their houses, how they were married more than forty years, vacations they went on, etc. Earl is one of the most giving, happy people I've ever met and he keeps Tommy company going down to his apartment to check on him and just sit and chat. I never fail to feel better after an encounter with either one of them. I hope whoever I marry ends up someday being such a delightful old man. Anyway, I guess I'm drawing you in with false pretenses but we are going on a "date" to one of the finest restaurants in town where Tommy has his own table and waitress. God is good to show His delight in me through "someone with skin on." My heart is warmed by our friends and humbled when I realize how much just being friendly and listening means to two lonely men in an apartment building. The gift of presence is the best gift we can give anyone and when God came to earth that is exactly what He did for us but that's another whole post. Sorry if I'm totally rambling and not making sense - too much racing through my mind and not enough sleep. :)

Quote of the day

2006-12-06T17:24:00.000-05:00

Posting quotes is a convenient way for me to keep up with them, especially when I'm too lazy or too busy to get out my quote notebook and write them down. So...today's installment - "Good relationships don't just withstand skepticism, they're better for it."

Choosing to believe

2006-12-01T17:20:00.001-05:00

Driving to school this morning, I was listening to "I Believe" (lyrics below) from Natalie Grant's Christmas cd. Last December, I listened to this song with overflowing eyes and gritted teeth, the "I believe" searing my heart after the tragedies of last fall. The only hope, the only possible redemption of this broken world is "Emmanuel - God with us" and ultimately, that is why I chose to keep believing. God at a particular moment in history became man, God is with each one of us in the middle of every difficulty and that is what gives meaning to this mess. This Christmas peace reigns in my heart. Doubts will assault again but I'm learning to let "I believe" be the rhythm underlying my life.

"I Believe"
Natalie Grant

In a land far away time stood still long ago
There were shepherds in fields or at least this is how the story goes
Woman with child and an inn with no room
Born in a manger foretelling a tomb
This is how the story goes but it's more than a fable
More than a fairytale and more than my mind can conceive

Chorus:I believe the wisemen saw the baby boy the angels called the son of God
Heaven's child the great I Am
Born to take away my sin through nail pierced hands
Emmanuel has come I believe

Two thousand years still the story lives on
God's gift to us sent to earth
Wrapped in flesh His only son and the heartbeat of heaven
Confounded our wisdom but it's still the simple truth that set me free
Precious child how can it be that God's great plan for history
Would send you to a lonely tree that you would come for one like me?

I believe in a cross
I believe he came for one he came for all
Heaven's child became a man gave his life for me in spite of all I am
I believe, I believe
Christmas lives in me I believe

Quote

2006-12-01T17:20:00.000-05:00

"Great relationships take form when they are stretched to the breaking point and do not break." Philip Yancey

Entering the 21st century

2006-11-28T17:19:00.000-05:00

Perhaps this is unimportant to everyone except me but since it's my blog I guess I can write whatever I want. I just finished ordering my Christmas present from my parents and myself - a Canon 8mp digital camera. So now this technologically impaired girl has added another piece of modern gear to her life. Actually, I'm pretty excited because I've interpreted several different photography classes and it makes me want to try it out myself. Maybe I'll end up with a new hobby. The real question is if I'll be able to figure out how to use this gadget when it arrives. :)

Someone you would die for

2006-11-27T17:16:00.000-05:00

As a single woman I'm always trying to understand the reality of married life and allowing reality rather than romantic ideals to infuse my philosophy and my thinking about relationships and marriage. Today I happened upon some practical, straight-talking wisdom from a married woman. The following quote from her article is tough but Biblical advice "when you are looking for a mate, you find someone you can die for, because the question is not if, but when." You don't pine for the mythical "the one", you don't constantly search for an even better soulmate, you don't pick the cutest or smartest or "most spiritual", you don't pick the person who makes you giddy with "in-loveness". You look for a person you are willing to choose to love with agape love for the rest of your life no matter what happens. You choose the person you are willing to die for every minute of every day of every year that you both live. It's not the grand dying for another by stepping in front of a bullet that costs you; it's the continual, everyday giving up of your way, your rights, your expectations. You must choose to love enough to pay that price and never quit. And you look for a person who will choose to love you and die for you the same way. Maybe if our generation learns to choose and love and live and die for one another like this our marriages will have a chance at truly being "til death do us part." If you want to read the entire post from Tonya Riggle at Common Grounds Online, use the link below.
http://commongroundsonline.typepad.com/common_grounds_online/2006/11/tonya_riggle_fo.html#mor

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

2006-11-21T17:06:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The Shadow Proves the Sunshine
I've been listening to this Switchfoot song lately and since it relates to yesterday's post I thought I would put the lyrics on here.
"The Shadow Proves The Sunshine"
Sunshine, won't you be my mother
Sunshine, come and help me sing
My heart is darker than these oceans
My heart is frozen underneath

We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight,
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of daylight where
The shadow proves the sunshine
Oh Lord, why did you forsake me?
Oh Lord, don't be far away away
Storm clouds gathering beside me
Please Lord, don't look the other way

Crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light where
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light where
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Shine on me,
Let my shadows prove the sunshine

Ready to Go Home

2006-11-20T17:04:00.000-05:00

Considering that my Thanksgiving break begins Wednesday afternoon, I suppose this post could be about going home to visit my family and it's true, I can't wait to get there. This is one of those times when I intensely feel my need to see my family and to bask in their love. But, as excited as I am about Thanksgiving break, that isn't what is on my mind. I'm thinking of Home, the eternal Home of the believer, and I'm ready to go. Events of the past several months or maybe even the past year and a half have more than ever made it painfully clear to me how broken our world is, how broken all of us are. Thinking of brokenness leads me to think of Heaven where all the wrong in the world is gone--the no more tears, no more disease, no more pain, no more sin, no more night of Revelation. And yes, all the evil in the world will be absent in Heaven but lately I've been thinking not just of what won't be there but what will be true in a perfect eternity. I'm ready to go Home. Home where the oceans and the winds will never hold any terror just the sheer delight of their beauty and power. Home where we can forever fellowship with those dear to our hearts. Home where our joy in the pleasures of life will never be stained with the fear of losing them. Home where our best efforts to understand each other will never be thwarted by our sin-clouded minds and all our relationships will continue forever in perfect harmony. Home where nothing that is good ever has to come to an end because there is no end. Home where we will not tire and no talk has to end from the necessity of sleep. Home where the deepest struggles of all our hearts will be healed permanently never to drag us down again and we can love and live in utter freedom. Home where we will never fear being hurt by or hurting another and the Family of God can forever fellowship in unity and understanding. Home where the children who never had a real daddy will be forever fathered by the Eternal Abba. Home where grace will always reign and agape love will overflow. Home where our halting attempts toward sanctification will be swept up by the final redemption of all we are and have been. Home where the walls we build to protect ourselves will crumble to dust at our feet. Home where we will finally be truly as God made us to be. Home where there will be no more goodbyes only an eternal now. Home where our relationship with the Father and Jesus will be utterly unihibited by our doubting, fretting hearts. My heart longs for the final redemption, for all the brokenness put to rights, for the thrill of life and relationships and beauty as they were divinely intended before the scars of the Fall. Over the past while I've fought hard in the face of circumstances, bewildering situations, and the doubts of some close to my heart to keep my faith. And, I find myself thinking of C.S. Lewis' idea that the perfection and timelessness that we long for are signs of the truth of God and Heaven and His divine story, a clear signal that we were not made for this world. The longing for redemption that burns within me is the sign that God is real and there is a redeemed and perfect place I truly belong. For now, we are far from Home, seeing only the remnants of Eden and the scraps of God's image left within the broken, scarred hearts of mankind but one day, one day soon, the children of God will go Home. Let that hope burn in your hearts and flame in your lives. Maranatha!

For My Friends

2006-11-16T16:59:00.000-05:00

I love quotes and this one is just perfect for true friendship and so beautiful.
"The friends who mean everything to us--the friends without whom our lives would be empty--are our most enduring models of grace and good fortune. We know that our time on earth would have had paltry meaning had not, one fine day, our lives connected for the first time with the lives of the people who would turn out to be our most treasured friends." Bob Greene